Divorce-Proof Marriage
Strengthen Our Marriages
The sad fact is that many marriages today end in divorce.
Is there anything that we can do to protect our marriages?
Here are 10 ideas to Divorceproof your marriage:
1. Remember Your Commitment to Become One Flesh
Matthew 19:6. “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Keep in mind that you have made a commitment to stay together throughout life’s journey before God and witnesses. Do not let divorce enter your vocabulary.
2. Continue the Early Attentions
Ministry of Healing, 360. “Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other.”
Most young couples do not have any trouble thinking of small things to do for their significant other. Keep looking for opportunities to let the other person know they are special to you.
3. Maintain Moral Purity
Exodus 20:14. “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Patriarchs and Prophets, 308. "(Exodus 20:14 quoted). This commandment forbids not only acts of impurity, but sensual thoughts and desires, or any practice that tends to excite them. Purity is demanded not only in the outward life but in the secret intents and emotions of the heart."
For men there is temptation to look lustfully upon other women. It is important for men to follow Job’s example in Job 31:1. “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”
For women there is a temptation to become emotionally attached to other men. Consider this counsel very carefully:
Evangelism, 460. “When a woman is in trouble, let her take her trouble to women. If this woman who has come to you has cause of complaint against her husband, she should take her trouble to some other woman who can, if necessary, talk with you in regard to it, without any appearance of evil.”
4. Make Regular Time for Special Uninterrupted Communication
It is essential for a marriage to survive that the husband and wife set aside time to communicate (honest talking and careful listening) with each other – alone.
5. Keep a Sacred Circle Around the Family
Adventist Home, 177. “There is a sacred circle around every family which should be preserved. No other one has any right in that sacred circle. The wife should have no secrets to keep from her husband and let others know, and the husband should have no secrets to keep from his wife to relate to others. The heart of his wife should be the grave for the faults of the husband, and the heart of the husband the grave for his wife's faults. Never should either party indulge in a joke at the expense of the other's feelings. Never should either the husband or wife in sport or in any other manner complain of each other to others, for frequently indulging in this foolish and what may seem perfectly harmless joking will end in trial with each other and perhaps estrangement. . . . The home circle should be regarded as a sacred place… Friends and acquaintances we may have, but in the home life they are not to meddle.”
6. Be Forgiving
Ephesians 4:32 - "...be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
Messages to Young People, 450. “True affection will overlook many mistakes.”
My Life Today, 32. “At the season of evening worship let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If during the day, one has wronged another or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured.”
7. Pray Together
In addition to family worship there should also be a time when the husband and wife pray together.
8. Show Daily Affection and Foster Intimacy
1 Corinthians 7:3. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband."
2 Testimonies, 417. “A house with love in it, where love is expressed in words and looks and deeds, is a place where angels love to manifest their presence and hallow the scene by rays of light from glory.”
1 Corinthians 7:5. “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Intimacy means much more than a sexual experience. It is the special connection of mind, emotion, and understanding, and will make a sexual experience much more fulfilling.
9. Live Within Your Means
Romans 13:8. “Owe no man any thing.”
Counsels on Stewardship, 249. “Many, very many, have not so educated themselves that they can keep their expenditures within the limit of their income. They do not learn to adapt themselves to circumstances, and they borrow and borrow again and again, and become overwhelmed in debt, and consequently they become discouraged and disheartened.”
10. Plan Regular Days of Recreation
Mark 6:31. “And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while:for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat.”
1 Testimonies, 515. “They (office workers) should have a change frequently, should often devote a day wholly to recreation with their families, who are almost entirely deprived of their society.”
Is there anything that we can do to protect our marriages?
Here are 10 ideas to Divorceproof your marriage:
1. Remember Your Commitment to Become One Flesh
Matthew 19:6. “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Keep in mind that you have made a commitment to stay together throughout life’s journey before God and witnesses. Do not let divorce enter your vocabulary.
2. Continue the Early Attentions
Ministry of Healing, 360. “Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other.”
Most young couples do not have any trouble thinking of small things to do for their significant other. Keep looking for opportunities to let the other person know they are special to you.
3. Maintain Moral Purity
Exodus 20:14. “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Patriarchs and Prophets, 308. "(Exodus 20:14 quoted). This commandment forbids not only acts of impurity, but sensual thoughts and desires, or any practice that tends to excite them. Purity is demanded not only in the outward life but in the secret intents and emotions of the heart."
For men there is temptation to look lustfully upon other women. It is important for men to follow Job’s example in Job 31:1. “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”
For women there is a temptation to become emotionally attached to other men. Consider this counsel very carefully:
Evangelism, 460. “When a woman is in trouble, let her take her trouble to women. If this woman who has come to you has cause of complaint against her husband, she should take her trouble to some other woman who can, if necessary, talk with you in regard to it, without any appearance of evil.”
4. Make Regular Time for Special Uninterrupted Communication
It is essential for a marriage to survive that the husband and wife set aside time to communicate (honest talking and careful listening) with each other – alone.
5. Keep a Sacred Circle Around the Family
Adventist Home, 177. “There is a sacred circle around every family which should be preserved. No other one has any right in that sacred circle. The wife should have no secrets to keep from her husband and let others know, and the husband should have no secrets to keep from his wife to relate to others. The heart of his wife should be the grave for the faults of the husband, and the heart of the husband the grave for his wife's faults. Never should either party indulge in a joke at the expense of the other's feelings. Never should either the husband or wife in sport or in any other manner complain of each other to others, for frequently indulging in this foolish and what may seem perfectly harmless joking will end in trial with each other and perhaps estrangement. . . . The home circle should be regarded as a sacred place… Friends and acquaintances we may have, but in the home life they are not to meddle.”
6. Be Forgiving
Ephesians 4:32 - "...be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
Messages to Young People, 450. “True affection will overlook many mistakes.”
My Life Today, 32. “At the season of evening worship let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If during the day, one has wronged another or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured.”
7. Pray Together
In addition to family worship there should also be a time when the husband and wife pray together.
8. Show Daily Affection and Foster Intimacy
1 Corinthians 7:3. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband."
2 Testimonies, 417. “A house with love in it, where love is expressed in words and looks and deeds, is a place where angels love to manifest their presence and hallow the scene by rays of light from glory.”
1 Corinthians 7:5. “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Intimacy means much more than a sexual experience. It is the special connection of mind, emotion, and understanding, and will make a sexual experience much more fulfilling.
9. Live Within Your Means
Romans 13:8. “Owe no man any thing.”
Counsels on Stewardship, 249. “Many, very many, have not so educated themselves that they can keep their expenditures within the limit of their income. They do not learn to adapt themselves to circumstances, and they borrow and borrow again and again, and become overwhelmed in debt, and consequently they become discouraged and disheartened.”
10. Plan Regular Days of Recreation
Mark 6:31. “And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while:for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat.”
1 Testimonies, 515. “They (office workers) should have a change frequently, should often devote a day wholly to recreation with their families, who are almost entirely deprived of their society.”
More Resources
I hope this week of emphasis on our marriages and families has been a blessing to you. Please visit www.family.adventist.org for more resources to help your family become the bright light in this dark world and the little piece of heaven on earth that God wishes it to be.
If our pastoral team can be of assistance to your family please let us know by filling out this form.
If our pastoral team can be of assistance to your family please let us know by filling out this form.
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